she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
do nipples grow back?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
