I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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