i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
