I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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