Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
