Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
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Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
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My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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