After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
