3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I can't turn off my feet"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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