I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
