I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
