This girl is more easily done than said...
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
