and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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