I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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