Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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