??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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