guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I touched a dick in church today
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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