Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
two words...techno handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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