pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
