My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
