Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
