and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
