Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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