literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
