Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
