Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
