You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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