I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
