I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
