Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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