He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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