Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
FUCK WHALES
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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