How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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