you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
