For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Couch. On fire.
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