I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
