9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
that is very illegal...i love you.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
