I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
