jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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