Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
