I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
