i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
