is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
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He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
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I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?