Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass