Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Dear god my vagina.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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