Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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