Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
