How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
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You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
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Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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