I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I seem to have left my pride at pride
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
