It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
