Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
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Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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