Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
