Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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