North Korea, Best Korea!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Sober January is a disaster.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Two words: blizzard sex
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.