I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
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