i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf