Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Oh god it's open bar.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
