dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
