ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize