if i can run in heels then i can drive
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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