Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
